A need to write

When I was younger I kept a diary.  It wasn't an everyday thing and most of my entries were about so and so and this and that and so on and so forth.  When I have gone back and looked through my written memories, I noticed that my longest ones were when I needed to express my feelings (normally frustration).  At some point, I gave up the written record of my personal thoughts and reflections.  I'm not sure why--life gets in the way sort of thing, I imagine. 

I love writing, always have.  I remember sitting on the steps of my parents house with notebook and pencil in hand and trying to come up with wonderful stories--asking my parents how to spell this word and trying to find a different word for another word (how wonderful a computer truly is).  I have stacks of those notebooks that I to this day can not part with (I really should try to type up those stories--for laughter's sake if nothing else.) 

Even though I am terrible at spelling and make up the rules and words and all kinds of things that would make all the Mrs. & Mr.'s of my education cringe, I write on.  In my writing mind, I forget it all and just let the words rush (or trickle) from my brain to finger tips.  Sometimes I am please with the quick result, other times I have to work and fuss and tweak before I am seeing perfection.  Perfection.  That is the things that always seems to stand in my way.  I envy people who can just do something and be satisfied with their first result.  Me, I have to work and work and work until the words don't always match the story that I see.  Sometime I should just "publish" my raw materials and throw perfection to the wind--my stomach is balling up in knots a little just saying that, that must mean I need to push myself to try--I'll at least spell check before hitting the big orange publish button.  (where did all that come from)

The beauty of writing from my mind is I get it out.  I have been feeling pent up lately--and maybe it's because I carry all these thoughts around and never getting them out.  So why not share them here with others so that my thoughts are just not mine alone (don't worry I wont punish you with all my thoughts)  Because I need to write and blogging can be food for my soul.

BTW--this is mostly a raw writing.  Mostly.