I went to the Y tonight to pick up my race packet (Go 582) My stomach was doing flip flops all the way through the maze of hall ways (I hope when they build the new Y they make it less mazy) I stood in line to get my packet for what felt like forever--my nerves where just frazzled, I kept thinking "what did I get myself into?" and I was very self conscious among all the athletic type people (I'm think about getting a tattoo after the race proclaiming that I am a walker)
I know that people are probable not thinking what my head thinks their thinking ("what is she doing here?"-that's the thought I think they think) I know I need to view myself as the athlete that I really am, but I just can't help thinking that I'm only walking this, I'm not running, I'm not decked out in fancy clothing--
I'm wearing a t-shirt and sweats how can I be an athlete (maybe it's the sports
bra(s) qualify me in the athletic status)?
As you can see, I have doubts and fears and cold feet (har har) I need to stop this stinkin' thinkin' get out of my own head and just let it be what it is.
So when it was finally my turn to get my packet the lady tells me that I'll have to come back tomorrow to get my race t-shirt--joy, I get to have those feeling all over again. Maybe after a good nights sleep, I'll be able to view things differently. Sunday morning, I'll be sure to put on some warm socks to keep my feet from getting cold.
Friday, April 30, 2010
Thursday, April 15, 2010
The Dusty Goddess
I've been trying hard to work on my resolution this year--but for some reason, things keep getting thrown in my path. I know that if I had already achieved perfect Goddessdomness (its my blog, I can make up words, right?) I would have all the answers and know the tricks of how to jump over the potholes, branches, rocks, roots, & general debris that keeps tripping me up. But in no way am I close to that knowledge. So I keep stumbling and falling down. But I keep trying. I keep trying.
I read this little jewel of wisdom today and I thought it was just so perfectly matched to how I should be feeling right now.
We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.
Sometimes I get caught up in my own stuff and think that nobody could be as bad off as I am right now--sadly someone always dealing with something worse than I am. It's not my goal to try to out do the pain and stuggles of others. I want to learn empathy, to be able to hear what they are saying, but not feel the pressure to take on their burdens as well as mine. Selfishly, I can only carry what my own backpack right now.
At this point in my journey, I would like to take some of the stuff I've been caring out of my pack and leave it along the trail and let it decay and turn into rich soil.-- If I am unable to leave things behind, I would at least like to make friends with these obstacles. If I could better understand these road blocks or even find a way to make my life work because of or in spite of the twists and turns, maybe the load would not seem so hard. I am going to look at things from all angles but hopefully I will find the sunniest way of dealing with some unsunny things.
So this goddess-in-training is going to pick herself up and dust herself off and find a new way to travel or maybe just learn to let it be what it is and enjoy the view as best as I can.
I read this little jewel of wisdom today and I thought it was just so perfectly matched to how I should be feeling right now.
We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.
Sometimes I get caught up in my own stuff and think that nobody could be as bad off as I am right now--sadly someone always dealing with something worse than I am. It's not my goal to try to out do the pain and stuggles of others. I want to learn empathy, to be able to hear what they are saying, but not feel the pressure to take on their burdens as well as mine. Selfishly, I can only carry what my own backpack right now.
At this point in my journey, I would like to take some of the stuff I've been caring out of my pack and leave it along the trail and let it decay and turn into rich soil.-- If I am unable to leave things behind, I would at least like to make friends with these obstacles. If I could better understand these road blocks or even find a way to make my life work because of or in spite of the twists and turns, maybe the load would not seem so hard. I am going to look at things from all angles but hopefully I will find the sunniest way of dealing with some unsunny things.
So this goddess-in-training is going to pick herself up and dust herself off and find a new way to travel or maybe just learn to let it be what it is and enjoy the view as best as I can.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Calling All Cheerleaders
I tell ya folks--I'm 9 or 10 weeks into my traning and I am draggin'. My body hurts. I'm not having any fun anymore. I'm so looking forward to just being done with this whole thing. I've missed workout days just because I'm just not feeling it. I need something to spark my enthusiasum--kick start my pride, something that makes me remeber why I am doing the event (why am I doing it again?) I need some cheerleaders. Anyone who wants to help motivate me, please, please, do so--in any way that you want.
I have to remember the wise words of my 8 year old "It doesn't matter if you come in last, what matters is that you are doing it". I just need to get out of my head. I need to stop feeling defeated when I don't accomplish something one day, but look back at all that I have done--I've WALKED over 100 miles so far this year that is amazing.
I have to remember the wise words of my 8 year old "It doesn't matter if you come in last, what matters is that you are doing it". I just need to get out of my head. I need to stop feeling defeated when I don't accomplish something one day, but look back at all that I have done--I've WALKED over 100 miles so far this year that is amazing.
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