Promise

I promised I would blog more--so here is a blog about nothing at all, just about my promise to blog more. The End.

Laptopin' It!

So I've had my laptop for a little while now and for some reason (I could list all the reasons, but I will save you the agony)but anyhow, for some reason, I have not taking the chance to blog it out. So here I am with my lovely red laptop clicking a way quietly as SpongeBob happily chirps away in the background.

What is it about a laptop that just demands a blog be written?

I have been very lacks at blogging lately-I'm sure it has been more time than I would really like to admit (if anyone happens to see the months of June, July, August and/or September laying around, could you please send them my regards and tell them that I miss them dearly.)

The months have slipped by so very quickly--It seems like everything in our lives have taken a turn in an unknown direction--(some days I'm not sure if we took the right road, however, it is that path that I am on and I guess I just have to keep going until the correct turn off comes along.) In June, I started working outside of the home after 4 wonderful years of having my in-home daycare. The next several months are a complete blur and whirl--filled with, but not limited to--learning/relearning and new/old job--sitting with the hubs as he waited to under go surgery and then sitting with all the "what-if's" as he was put under while an amazing doctor gave us hope of restored vision (I think loved ones should be able to have meds to help them through surgery)--Squeezing in time with the kids and friends--driving to countless dr's appointments, scout meetings, and 100's of other misc. errands--mountains of laundry, fixing thing I thought I would never have to fix and I may even gotten a chance to take a breath every now and then.

Everyday is a new day that is just waiting to be discovered--I just wish that every once in a while, we did not have to discover so much (or that would could discover gold in our back yard or something else equally exciting)

In all the adventures of summer, I have seem to have lost my train of thought and my motivation to take care of myself. I have let my self go, abandoned all my goals of become a goddess and if I don't start paying attention to my needs I'm going to end up weighing more at the end of the year than I did in the beginning of it. That is something I can not let be.

I am recommitting myself to myself (Mayhaps I will write my own vows) and making some changes. I have participated in a few walk/runs events and have a couple more coming up--so I have some motivation to get moving for some reason a free t-shirt with registration just gets me moving. I'm trying to remember that I need to have fun with my workout and not think of them so much as a job that I need to do. It may be called a workout but I need to take it less seriously. I have my MP3 play loaded with some fun fun fun stuff (Glee anyone?)

In wrapping up--there is a trail that I'll be hiking--just to reach my goal--I only have to weigh less at the end of the year than I did in the beginning. I can do that.

Boo whooo, sob, sob

I just need to whine {and perhaps wine a little later, too}

I've heard this saying many times 'God will never give you more than you can handle'
(When it was put in these terms "Only people who can handle crap are given crap"-I laughed a bit, especially when it was followed by this God know I can't handle anything that is why he gave me a charmed life)

I just want to say this: I pretty much think I've reached my limit! And I hope that whatever power is out there agrees. (and I'm talking all of them, God, Buddha, the Creator, all of them) Today someone frosted my crap cake. I wont bore you with the details of the other layers, but I'll give you tell you about today's saga...

In my own mind, I am very cool--and apparently, someone else agrees, because they have taken on my identity--okay not completely, however someone was using my check card to make purchase in Tennessee. The lady I talk to at the bank said that most of the time with this kind of stuff, things are charged on line--not so this time, somehow someone got my check card number, took the time to figure out how to make a card that would work and then said fake card was used to buy things. Thankfully RCU said "Wait a minute--Stacy never goes anywhere we should check to see if this is really her" They put a stop to the spending, including mine. I'm so glad it was caught.

I could go on and on about how wrong this is all that--but I'm over it. I just want to say this: I hope whoever had the balls to use this card can't sleep well--but I know that is just a dream and the sad truth is they will more than likely never know or care what their little spending spree took away from my family.

My Visit "Home"

I was at my most favortiest place in the world today. Camp Nawakwa. When I was a Girl Scout, I attended camp--then when I was entering Adulthood, I went back and worked there for 3 short summers--hard to believe my first summer was 15 years ago (someday I would love to work there again...ah, what a beautiful dream that would be)

I've been back to camp a few times here and there after I had worked there, but it has always been a quick little visit. Today I got to go back and help with camp kapers (which is a campy way of saying cleaning up the place) It was a-mazing. I can not describe the feeling I get as I'm driving there--the closer I get to the entrance, I get a feeling in my stomach and my heart and well just in my entire person and I can hardly contain myself. There is so much of every emotion as I grow closer to my "home". I'm excited, happy beyond belief, nostalgic, a touch sad, but mostly I think I feel love. With every turn and bend in the road, the feeling grow stronger. It is truly wonderful.

I got to clean up the kitchen, walk about camp, visit my favorite places, say hello to Mary, I was able to find my name on the Tenderfoot board, I felt the earth of Nawakwa on my bare feet, I smelled the trees, took in the beauty of Picnic Lake, and clean around tents and trails. I left my car windows open a little so I could take a little Nawakwa air home with me and saved a little water in bottle to enjoy later. I have dirt under my finger nails, leaf particles up my nose, mosquito bites galore and I am sore, sore, sore. I can't wait to do it again next year.

I've seen many posts on facebook about the weather today, there was a little bit of everything, rain, thunder & lightning, coolness & sun. While others were confused, I felt blessed. There is nothing better than the sound of thunder rolling through the hills and the peace I feel while working through big fat raindrops. Life just feel good under the canopy of trees.

I wore my ped-o-meter today--just for kicks, I put in about 6 miles today. I can only imagine how many miles I must have put on the 3 summers I worked there. What an amazing workout and a beautiful gym. I vow to use it more often. Too much time has lapsed since I have been home.

Athletic Apparel

A while back, I read somewhere that when you are beginning a new workout regime, in order to boost your self-esteem, you should fore go the sloppy sweats and baggy t-shirt and go out and get yourself new workout attire. You will look forward to putting on the new clothing {feeling good about yourself}therefore causing you to want to work out even more. Sounds good to me, any reason to buy new clothing, right?

So a while back (but not as long ago as I had read the article-cuz I read the article first) I went out in search of a new workout costume. Some of you may have read my Adventures in Swimwear story. This story is kind of like that one (but not as funny, more frustrated). I'm an epidemic. I'm part of the crowd that keeps making the news. I'm FAT! I live in Wisconsin for goodness sake--land of cheese, and brats and BEER! I should be able to walk into a store and find workout clothing in big girl sizes. But they are not there. So please tell me Athletic Apparel companies what am I to do? I wear my sloppy t-shirts and baggy sweats and feel slumpy and not pretty and no good (I really don't feel these things, I'm just adding drama to the blog).

Do the Nike, Champion, Columbia and whoever elses out there think that people over a size large really do not workout? I know after a certain point, Lycra does not look good, but I'm just saying--you would think that at least Wal-Mart would support it's people and get some circus tents for the love of lard.

I'm sure that someone out there makes Just My Size workout clothing(Delta Burke do you make workout clothing?) Am I just to lazy to look? Or just to busy working out in my scrubs to do it. I don't know. This was just the thought I'd been thinking and I thunked, I'd share.

I just found this little bit of a morsel that I'd thought I would share:

“Clothes Make The Man,” says a common English saying. The meaning is simple: what you wear decides who you are. After all, you don’t see any millionaires wearing old t-shirts do you? (I bet you do.) Another saying encourages people to “dress for success.” That simply means: wear the costume–wear the clothes people expect you to wear–and they’ll treat you the way you want.

I think I'm going to going to start pretending that I have the most amazing running kit on when I'm out there--or I'm going to start running naked and see if the Athletic Apparel people cowboy up and make some workout clothes for me.

Confessions of a new runner

Sunday May 16. 7:40 pm
2nd training day
5 minutes of Brisk Walking; 1 minute of “running”; 1 minute of brisk walking
(Repeat run/walk cycle 9 more times)
5 minute walking cool down

It sucked. I’m being over dramatic. It didn’t suck—I more than likely should have opted for yoga or the wii fit or lazing on the davenport (I loved when my grandma called the couch the davenport, it made it seem almost like a magical transporting seat that could take you any---where was I going with this???) oh yes, or I should have just simply counted weed whacking, manually edging the walk ways, and cleaning house my workout for today. But nooooooooo! Not this over achiever, I had to go full force and push myself further.

It’s all good really. I knew going into it that I was going to take it easy(ier), I have a hitch in my giddy up that is sending up to the ceiling from time to time—anyhow, talk about ADD tonight, wow! Did you know that if you stand on your head wow looks like mom? But not when you type it.

Anyhow, ha, banana, banana (really I have not had any wine tonight, honest—is this what they call a runners high?) I did my 5 minutes of not really so brisk walking (taking it easier remember?) then my first 5ish cycles were pretty okay – not going for speed here folks—I stopped to stretch after the 5th group (and it was right on the path that leads right up to my road and I could have so easily given up and called it quiets for the night, but nope I got back onto that trail, and started to trot again (that’s really what I’m doing, kind of have walk/jog errr trotting, ambling, sauntering, creeping, sloth-ing my way along)

I was greeted on the trail by two lovely dogs (which some of you know freaks me out to no end when dogs come running up to me when I’m moseying along in the dusk—they were blond colored dogs, so I was a little better and the owner yelling they wont bite, they just want to walk with you {sadly, I think I was “running” at the time}). The dogs threw my timing off, and I have not looked at the official stats of my ped-O-meter today to see how long I was out there running and not sure how far I went—but I did it! And it only sucked a bit and I know that Tuesday will suck less and Thursday might be even less suck-y.

To be honest, the part that makes me say it sucks is because I want to be better NOW!!! I have really and truly love the feeling of challenging myself. I have never ever ever before been a runner (only if you count running onto a field/court to the count of 5, 6, 7, 8 with toes pointed in attempts to kick my ass {former PomPom girl here}) Yes I have had the forced runnings of gym teachers in my day (Muller, not so motivating—Rutter would have been oh, so very) [Again where am I going with my bambling?] But I am actually achy when I can’t get out an move my body, when I’m driving somewhere and I see someone on a trail, I wish it were me out there. I have grown to love the sound of my feet thahthunking along on the forest floor (it’s not a forest, it’s just a trail through a tiny gully of trees, but it’s vast to me) I guess what I might be trying to say is that I am enjoying myself with this challenge in ways I did not think I would have {I figured I would have ran once and gave up}

I will always be a walker, I will never give up that stat, I’ve been doing it for years {two beautiful women in my life inspired me to walk for exercises way back when the garbage cans at sportsman’s park were orange) Walking is rooted in me, it’s who I am and helped to shape who I am today. Many miles were logged with a great walking partner in those formative days as well as many many hours of talking. I can never pooh pooh something as grand as that. I only see it, as now I will have options.

(Man I think it took longer to write this that it did to actually do what I'm writing about)

My Doctor Gave me HomeWork!

I went to the doc today to have my levels of various things tested. Here's the jist of it.

Blood Sugar: Good
Liver Funtion: Good
Thyroid stuff: Good
Blood Pressure: Good
Resting Pulse: Good
Weight--down almost 2 pounds since last year (at least it's down!)
cholestral results are mostly improved, but I still have my sticky wickets with it (as always) This is were the homework comes in.

I have to go back to get retested at the end of summer (Happy Birthday to me) just to make sure that I was able to make changes. We talked about why we thought my Tri's were higher this time and I came up with the answer of stress and stress eating sweets to help with it all (tip: the eating of sweets does not really help at all) I also told her that I did not expect to get in to see her so soon (I called yesterday to make the appointment) so I did not have time to "study" for my test and I didn't think that was very fair, so she told me that I had "homework" to do.

Here's my homework:
I'm going to get back to eating my beans
excersie more
cut back on refined sugars
and take Fish oil

Not too bad--if I fail, I think she will try to put me on meds (which she tried to talk to me about today, but I told her I prefered to prove to her that I could make improvements without them.

Once I got home, I thought about the fact that the night before we went for Chinse food--I'm sure that had something to do with it all. Although I will say that my 2 plates of food look much different than they did say 5 or 6 years ago (lots of space on the plate and not a bit of stacking) but I did have me a spring roll. Isn't it funny how we find a place to blame no matter what. Not, it's me--I've been stuffing all the wrong things in.

I DVR'd it, but wondering if anyone saw Oprah yesterday--the Women, Food, & God one? If so what did you think? I'm going to read the book before I say anything more.

Winning for losing

Today I got an e-mail letting me know that I won something, yet again. I'm so freaking excited. I'll back up and tell you more about the story.

I have become a free-bee couponing goddess (goddess come in all forms you know)I have found many sites that give tips on how to save money, get thing for less and get things for free. One of my very favorite is All You magazine. It is an actual magazine that you can buy at Wal-Mart (not sure if you can get it anywhere else) but it is full of tips and coupons (or Koopins as I like to say) There are many other lady type topics included as well. I found out that they are also on facebook (and who isn't these days?)Every day I check out their page to find out about free offers, give aways, and anything else they may be talking about.

Currently, All You is promoting getting healthy and losing weight (just like every magazine) one of the things they talk about is moving your body and checking your progress, you know the same old song and dance--they were giving away pedometers to 500 people, I wrote a short blurb about why I want to lose weight and my 50 or fewer words won me a prize.

So anyhow short story long, I now have two prizes that will be coming my way--a food scale and a pedometer. I think that must be a sign. I truly am a winner.

Check that off the bucket list

After 12-ish weeks of training, I can cross a half-marathon off my bucket list. Will I do it again? YES!!! I loved it. The weather was beautiful. The course was amazing. And the way I felt...hmmmm. I was just happy. There was never a point that I felt like throwing in the towel. If they would have told me that I had to walk another 2 miles to the actual finish line, I would have said "Okay" and then just kept walking. I guess that's a good thing. I did not cry when I crossed the finish line, nor did I have any real overwhelming feelings at all during the 3:45:10 I was out there. I guess I had the voices of all my peeps with me to get me through and to help me understand that it was all good. It was all good. Very good.

It's offical

I went to the Y tonight to pick up my race packet (Go 582) My stomach was doing flip flops all the way through the maze of hall ways (I hope when they build the new Y they make it less mazy) I stood in line to get my packet for what felt like forever--my nerves where just frazzled, I kept thinking "what did I get myself into?" and I was very self conscious among all the athletic type people (I'm think about getting a tattoo after the race proclaiming that I am a walker)

I know that people are probable not thinking what my head thinks their thinking ("what is she doing here?"-that's the thought I think they think) I know I need to view myself as the athlete that I really am, but I just can't help thinking that I'm only walking this, I'm not running, I'm not decked out in fancy clothing--
I'm wearing a t-shirt and sweats how can I be an athlete (maybe it's the sports
bra(s) qualify me in the athletic status)?

As you can see, I have doubts and fears and cold feet (har har) I need to stop this stinkin' thinkin' get out of my own head and just let it be what it is.

So when it was finally my turn to get my packet the lady tells me that I'll have to come back tomorrow to get my race t-shirt--joy, I get to have those feeling all over again. Maybe after a good nights sleep, I'll be able to view things differently. Sunday morning, I'll be sure to put on some warm socks to keep my feet from getting cold.

The Dusty Goddess

I've been trying hard to work on my resolution this year--but for some reason, things keep getting thrown in my path. I know that if I had already achieved perfect Goddessdomness (its my blog, I can make up words, right?) I would have all the answers and know the tricks of how to jump over the potholes, branches, rocks, roots, & general debris that keeps tripping me up. But in no way am I close to that knowledge. So I keep stumbling and falling down. But I keep trying. I keep trying.

I read this little jewel of wisdom today and I thought it was just so perfectly matched to how I should be feeling right now.

We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.

Sometimes I get caught up in my own stuff and think that nobody could be as bad off as I am right now--sadly someone always dealing with something worse than I am. It's not my goal to try to out do the pain and stuggles of others. I want to learn empathy, to be able to hear what they are saying, but not feel the pressure to take on their burdens as well as mine. Selfishly, I can only carry what my own backpack right now.

At this point in my journey, I would like to take some of the stuff I've been caring out of my pack and leave it along the trail and let it decay and turn into rich soil.-- If I am unable to leave things behind, I would at least like to make friends with these obstacles. If I could better understand these road blocks or even find a way to make my life work because of or in spite of the twists and turns, maybe the load would not seem so hard. I am going to look at things from all angles but hopefully I will find the sunniest way of dealing with some unsunny things.

So this goddess-in-training is going to pick herself up and dust herself off and find a new way to travel or maybe just learn to let it be what it is and enjoy the view as best as I can.

Calling All Cheerleaders

I tell ya folks--I'm 9 or 10 weeks into my traning and I am draggin'. My body hurts. I'm not having any fun anymore. I'm so looking forward to just being done with this whole thing. I've missed workout days just because I'm just not feeling it. I need something to spark my enthusiasum--kick start my pride, something that makes me remeber why I am doing the event (why am I doing it again?) I need some cheerleaders. Anyone who wants to help motivate me, please, please, do so--in any way that you want.

I have to remember the wise words of my 8 year old "It doesn't matter if you come in last, what matters is that you are doing it". I just need to get out of my head. I need to stop feeling defeated when I don't accomplish something one day, but look back at all that I have done--I've WALKED over 100 miles so far this year that is amazing.

I want to learn something new

I said I was going to try to blog more and on a more regular time frame. Sometimes I lie.

But truely, I do want to get better at it and I also want to learn more about ayurveda.

. . . and I call myself a blogger

okay, so really, I don't call myself a blogger--I would like to, actually I would love to, but I think that may just require me to actually blog and more than just this infrequent stuff.

That's how I roll. With everything. At first I Rhino my way into everything--head down and full speed ahead. And things go good for a while and then well I get bored (or in the case of blogging, I feel like I get boring)I wish that I could find that balance that allows me to do the things I love and the things I don't enjoy so much--why do the have-to's have to get done? They always get in the way of the want-to's.

So I guess I just have to do it. Blog more. It really does help me stay more honest and committed when I think that someone might read what it is that I'm doing and somehow I may let them down if my little fingers don't click away at the keys and provide some sort of something for someone.

Okay--I'll do it, but I'm going to start tomorrow.

I'm just sitting here fooling myself

Sometimes I'm smart--really smart. Other times, well, other times is what I'd like to talk about right now.

I know how to lose weight--probable know almost everything about it. Weight lose tips could spill off my tongue faster than the sum of 167 + 290. The problem is that I just don't know how to apply them. Drink 1/2 your weight in water in oz. I know that I should drink lots of water, however lately, I just can't seem to get it in. Eat Vegetables--I love them even the weird ones, but for some reason, they don't seem to end up on my plate. I could go on and on and on and...well you get the picture. I need to wake up and smell the tap water and get myself healthy.

I often talk about how I don't want to give up on foods--that I still want to be able to enjoy my Auntie's cake without feeling guilty of the number of points/calories/fat grams that are in it. The problem is that I forget that eating cake from time to time is okay, it's the sweets on a more daily schedule that get a girl in trouble.

I've been working out very regularly--I have for the last 4 weeks been following a training program to gear me up for the up coming 1/2 marathon. In my mind, I'm thinking I'm working out like mad right now so that means I can eat what ever I want. This weekend I gain over 5 pounds? That can not all be muscle! I know that weight can fluctuate from day to day, but really 5 pounds?

There are also times when I just don't eat--not feeling hungry, which is also not good for my body--I tell ya, there is a battle going on inside of me, part of me is trying to build muscle and become lean while another part is trying to hold onto everything because it thinks I'm going to starve to death while yet another part is tripping landmines of sabotage. I'm hoping the stronger army wins.

So instead of just sitting here fooling myself, I'm going to start a food journal again. For the time being, I'm only going to write what I eat and not look at the count it may have--I just want to get an idea of what is or is not going into my mouth. It's time for peace in my land.

EEA

My name is Stacy and I am an Emotinal Eater. (Hi Stacy)

Thankfully there is nothing in the house that I want--I would love to have some ice cream or brownies or ice cram and brownies with hot fudge on top. And maybe a bit of alchohol to wash it all down.

I am trying not to think about food and trying to figure out what else I could do that would help me feel better. hmph. maybe some yoga would help center me and bring me to a place that knows everythings going to be alright and it's just my over active imagination that is jumping to conclusions and racing towards the what if's and the what might be's. Athough maybe just simple meditation--sitting in the quiet with my thoughts and bringing forth the positives and help me find a very sun shinny place where everything is perfect (okay it doesn't have to be perfect--just not so gray)

So here I go to sit alone with my thoughts and become okay with what ever comes about.

Jan 13 results

I am up a pound this week. I have started to add workouts again into my life. I have to prep for my half marathon somehow. I am so very much looking forward to the days that have light longer so I can go outdoors to walk. Leslie (the walk away the pounds lady) is very nice and helpful and I enjoy her videos, however, for me nothing is like walking outside.

I did buy something to put on my shoes to help me from slipping so I can take to walking in the outdoors and when I get the chance, I plan to take my walking poles with me to help with the workout and keep me from falling too much--I just need to find (make) the time to get my bum out there and get over my case of the too's (it's too dark, it's too cold, I'm too tired, I'm too lazy to get myself dressed up warm so I can head for the hills). This weekend! I will do it.

Down

0.6 pounds from last week!

A New Year, A New Word, A New Resoultion

Happy 2010

Last year I was introdued to the concept of "A Word" for the new year (here's the link if you have not yet read all about it ) After thinking about what word I would like to use for the new year, I narrowed down my ever growing list to a single word that I think has a powerful meaning in an assorted sort of way. This year my word is Possibities.

Here is the deffintion

pos·si·bil·i·ty (ps-bl-t)
n. pl. pos·si·bil·i·ties
1. The fact or state of being possible.
2. Something that is possible.
3. possibilities Potentiality for favorable or interesting results

I think the word really has possiblity don't you (har har, just couldn't help myself) I remember when growing up the year 2010 seemed like something so very far away and the the world around us would be so very different--we'd all be driving around in floating cars while wearing silver suites and eating our meals via a pill. It all seemed far fetched and to be honest impossible. It also seemed as though the year was so impossibly far in the future that it would never ever get here.

Well here it is and I think that if you would have told me when I was ten that I would be listening to music on small little device that did not have a record or a tape I would not believe you, and the idea of having a home theater was about as fancyful as having a camera right in your phone. So really anything is possible.

As with last year, I am going to apply my word to every aspect of my life--there are many possiblities that can happen were my health is concerned. I have signed up for my very first half-marathon (actually twice, oops) and I know that the possiblities that will come with getting ready for that and the all the possible feeling I will have after crossing the finish line will be endless I am sure.

I think of all the possiblities that will be happening with my children and loving husband. I could write a book about all that could happen.

The sky is not the limit, for I would like to go above and beyond all that I can and cannot see. All the beautiful possiblities that lay ahead are just waiting for me to achieve.

Now that I have my word out there for the world to see, I will let you all in on the secret of what my resoultion is this year. This year I am going to become a goddess. That is my goal and I resolve to hold myself to it.

While talking to the hubs about this desire, I found that not everyone thinks of goddesses in the same terms. He thought I wanted to be whorshiped by everyone--and well who doesn't enjoy that, but that is not at all what I mean, so I will explain.

I want to become better than I am today. I want to have my house in order, my health a priority, be good at the things that I do, and be calm and patient when things do not work as I had planned. I want to love more freely (not like that, geesh) what I mean by that is I want the people that mean the world to me to know it and feel it, not just assume or think it may be possible that they are special to me. I want to find the beauty that I often time have a hard time seeing in myself. I want to embody what my soul has been for years. I think there is a lot of possiblities to this resoultion, don't you?

Year in review

So 2009 is a thing of the past and it was my intention to do a year in review before the end of the year and start fresh with a new post on the very first day of the year. Five days in and here I am posting my review. The simple fact is that it is very very very cold where we keep our computer and my little fingers can only type for so long before falling off--so I will attempt to make this review rather short in hopes to save my limbs.

I went back are read my New Years blog from last here (here's the link incase you would like to read it yourself )

So in reading what I wrote, I will say that I did fairly well last year--some improvements could be made so I think I will continue to plug away at my old goals as well as attempt a new set of goals (you'll have to read about that later).

My resulution to not lose weight, but instead gain health may have just been sussessful--for over the corse of the year, I have lost about 13 pounds. And I will say that I am very much pleased with that. I will continue to not try to lose, but remain in a gaining state of mind (you have to do what works right?

I think I really need to work on celebrating the little things in life some more.

So here I go a wassailing again some more this year.