Actual Results

The results are in--my official time was 1:38:27. I averaged about 15:51 per mile. I am pleased--however, my body is still telling me that was a little too much a little too fast. I took yesterday off from walking and this morning I did not get out there either (I'm hoping to get something in by the end of the day).

I'm very excited!!! I found out that I do not have to work on Friday and I'm going to head North with the kids on Thursday evening. Friday morning I believe Martin and I are going to participate in the Fishy Four in Chetek. If you are in the area, please join us or come cheer us on. Here's a link in case you would like more info.

On a cute note, my 7 1/2 year old told me the day of the race that he thought I looked skinnier. He thinks all the walking is to with it. I love him.

10K

The official results are not in yet (and I didn't bother to check), the important part is,
I FINISHED!!!

I don't believe I was the last person in--my pedometer says I worked at an aerobic pace for 99 min. I remember looking at my watch after I was done and I believe I commented to Adam that I came in 6 or 9 minutes after I told them to be there. As soon as RCU has it posted, I will let you all know what the real time is (until then please feel free to sit on the edge of your seats)

I finished much faster than I predicted (I was giving myself about 15 minutes per mile). The faster finish might have something to do with my running start. I had no intentions of running in the beginning--my plan was to hold back a little at first, warm up a bit, then only run on the down lows (that's my street talk for declines). I knew for sure that I was going to run in the spot I last saw that killer fox.

Since I can not simple tell a quick story, I will go in depth.

Adam and the kids came with me for registration. I picked up my little packet, got my time chip, got my number pinned on and chatted with the fam for a wee bit. They took off. Since we got there around 7:00 I had about an hour to wait for the race to start. That was a long time waiting for something to happen. Since I did not know anyone there (that was a dig to make some people feel bad) I did some stretching on my own, and focused on the "big race" ahead. Someone told us to got get lined up for the 10k around 10 to 8.

While walking to the starting line, I noticed that there were signs for paces meaning if you run a mile in 7 minutes you should stand here. I went to the 10 + mile section. and stood in the middle. Someone started talking (someone that was supposed to be) and since I could not hear that person, I started moving up. Still couldn't hear her (there was a lot of excited chatter happening) And then the gun went off. And everyone one around me started running. And so I ran (not very far mind you, but I did make it all the way past the RCU Corporate Building)

And thus the race began. I felt really great when I got to the first mile marker in 12 minutes. And a little bummed when it took me over 15 to get to some of the others. I did some running here and there--mostly to keep my distance from people. It was a good walk. At one point I remember thinking "What did I get myself into?" But I would do it again. If not for myself but for the fact that right now, as I type Martin is outside running in prep to do this event next year. And that right there is worth every second I pounded the pavement.

A (just about completely) True Story

ttch. ttch. ttch. …The sound of a pair of feet approaches me. Not to fast or slow. Running in at steady tempo Ttch. Ttch. Ttch. The noise grows louder. TTCH. TTCH. TTCH. I move over, my own feet hug the trails edge. TTCH! TTCH!! TTCH!!! In a quick moment, this runner passes me and I am in awe.

Every muscle in this well trained body captivatingly moves with each stride. Calves, gluts, hamstrings, quads. Triceps, biceps, delts, pecs. Working together, all conditioned to do this job. Each and every single muscle is doing its trade very well. This vessel performing as if it were a well conducted orchestra. TTCh. TTCh. TTCh.

The new day sun glistens on moist skin. A soak tank top worn as a badge of honor indicates that many miles have been run. Slight beads of sweat trickle down the runner’s neck. Confidents is maintained with a head held high. Breathing is slightly labored, but hardly struggled.

The runner pulls further ahead. TTch, TTch. The steady pace compelling them forward, taking them way from me. I want to keep up. I wish to lose myself in this song, too. “I need to be just like you,” I think to myself. Ttch Ttch Ttch. An athlete. Full of grace. A picture of good health. So elegant. So inspiring.
This runner is everything I aspire to become. This runner is why I get up every morning and push myself faster and harder. In my imaging’s, someday, someone will see me the same way I am seeing you. With admiration, with desire, with longing. You have painted a picture of perfection in my mind…and then you spit.

Thankful for the Voices in my Head

I wasn't going to do it--I was just going to crawl back into bed and take my 1.something weight loss for this week, but the voices in my head made me do it any way. I got dressed and dragged my ass out the door.

At first they told me I would only have to walk for a half an hour. (Ha) Then they told me that I would only have to walk to the top of the hill that leads into Carson Park. They LIED.

They told me that I could walk through the Park (just the trail that skirts it, not walk through the entire park) So I did.

When I saw a fox--for some reasons the voices told me that I needed to do the fox trot to put a little distance between me and this killer fox that lurks the famous Eau Claire Park. So I ran, and then the voices told me that since I was already running why not just run a little further--and so I ran s'more (mmmm s'mores).

When the voices told me that I could make it all the way around Half Moon Lake and back home in time, I would just have to cut through the cemetery to do it, I did not listen--I'm not crazy, jeesh (we all know I would have tried if I didn't have to be home before 7am)

Then the voices starting telling me that I am amazing--how proud they are of me and that I could do this--they chatted about how I could accomplish this half-marathon I plan to participate in--heck they even thought I could do a full marathon.

Then they finally shut up--leaving me to enjoy my morning solitude, enjoying the song of the birds and able to hear every snapping twigs in wooded area next to the trail (I know that fox was on my trail, I just know it). I walk in silence. I walked in pride. I walked and walked and walk, just by myself.

The cheering started again as I climbed a final hill only a block or two left to go--but wait, a voice called--if you just turn this way and walk a little further, you will have covered 5 miles this morning. Okay, I can walk a little further.

When a little further came and I was about to double back and earn my five miles, the voice spoke loudly, why would you want to walk the same old path back, turn this way. Okay. "Oh," the voice claimed, "I forgot there were hills here. Guess you will just have to walk up another hill"

Once at the top of that hill, the voice made me walk down another which forced me to climb up again. It tried to tell me that there was a better way around, but I put my foot down and climbed up the much steeper hill in spite. In total this "little bit further to make it 5 miles" turned in to 5.46 miles. I'm so glad I didn't look at my pedometer other wise the voices would have told me, hey why not make it an even 5.5 (maybe tomorrow).

After it all, I'm thankful for the voices in my head (this time) because my last chance workout turned my 1.something into a 3.2 loss for a grand total of 8.2 pounds down in three weeks time (I have been doing this for about 2 1/2 weeks longer than I figured I would) So thank you to all the "voices" that keep me from climbing back in bed and make me climb hills instead, thanks for believing in me, believing that I can do it. Thanks for the cheers and love; the pushing and the little bit of meanness you sometimes give. Without you, I would not be where I am today.


...I really hope my new MP3 player comes today.

Fighting Back

Help!!! Today my body seems to be fight back at me. It is really pissed off that I have not been feeding it the amounts of food that it needs to keep me at my "comfort weight"--which, by the way, my comfort weight is not comfortable to live in, it's just the weight that my body tend to gravitate towards.

I always joked about how it takes a lot of work to maintain my ample state, but in reality it wasn't a lot of work--it was just a complete friggin free for all--see it eat it, don't care. Today, I just felt hungry, like really hungry not eating out of boredom or eating to soothe some sort of emotional feeling. I had grumbling and actual pangs of hunger. So I ate--did I eat everything I should have? Not completely--did I say within my goal range--as far as I can tell I think I did. I didn't eat a whole pizza, I tried to make some sensible choices. I didn't over eat, I just feel like I was eating all day long. Like I could not get enough.

I think there is something that my body is trying to tell me and I just don't know what the signals are yet. My body is searching for something (I really wish I had a map for this journey) Aside from trying to get itself back to that comfort zone--I think I am missing something in my "diet". I know that I need to eat more veg--I'm doing great with fruits because there are so many yummy fruits that are coming into season, blueberries, strawberries, (I'm getting hungry just thinking about it, stop, stop right now) For some reason, even though I love vegetables, I have a hard time eating them, or eating enough of them. I need to make sure that I am doing that.

Also I think that I am not eating enough protein--I need to find some good, lean sources of protein to eat--other than just chicken all the time. (say aren't legumes a good source of protein?) Not sure if I want to get into adding protein powder to things yet--I have to look into that more.

I really dig blogging out my thoughts, because I think it really helps me "see" what I need to be doing. It would have never crossed my mind that maybe just maybe my body was craving something I was not giving it--something more than just cookie dough. I can win this. I am winning this. Wednesday will be my 3 weigh in. I am pretty proud that I have stuck with this so far--I'm happy that this has not been one of those I'll start tomorrow type things and then nothing really happens (except me being disappointed with myself because I couldn't even last until ten a.m. I think I really might just like this taking care of me, making sure I'm a priority thing. I think I do.

Father's Day Outing

I managed to get a quick hour walk in before heading to our Father's Day outing. My brothers family and my family went fishing with Dad. We had such a nice day. First we met Uncle Duck & fam for Breakfast in Cameron--picked up lunch for all of us then headed up to go fishing at an old family favorite fishing hole.

We actually caught many fish--we let them all go though--I caught the biggest fish of the day--but my 11 or 12 inch bass was not big enough to keep. But I still caught the biggest fish. After we had lunch we hiked around the area my dad and brother deer hunt. It was so nice to walk around in the woods--I love to hike--wish I made more time to do that--it was a really nice day. It was nice to spend some time with my dad without his wife along--the kids loved being with grandpa too.

When we got home from our little day trip, I saw a package on our front steps--I was so excited when I figured out what it was. MY NEW PEDOMETER!!! I have it all set and ready to go. I will let you all know what I think of it after I have put it to use.

I am feeling sleepy (I think my tiredness reflects in this blog--are you all sleepy just from reading it?) I am going to go take a nice bath & then head to bed--5 am comes early (or maybe tomorrow is a sleep in day???)

This just in

It is okay to go to bed feeling a little hungry

Gold Star

After 2 weeks of this journey, I am down a total of 5 pounds (I earn my first gold star!!!)



I figured after the weekend of eating (including Monday) I would have gained back everything I had lost last week. I am thrilled with my 1.2 pounds for this week (I think that's what it is???)



Also I had a doctor's appointment on Monday to go over my blood work. Everything looks good. I have dodged diabetes yet another year, my cholesterol numbers are looking better (up from last year a bit, however from 2 years ago, they are drastically better--maybe I'll post the differences later) I weigh 2 pounds less than my last trip and the thyroid levels seem to be in a good place (I think this is one of the first times I've had it tested that my meds did not need to be changed so that's a good thing, I'm finally getting balanced)



All in all, feeling much better today--

Will I make my weight class?

Tomorrow is weigh in # 2. I am not looking forward to it at all. I feel like a wrestler the night before a match. All I care is if I break even--or that I have not gained back everything I lost last week. Today was a much better eating day, it really helped that I wasn't really hungry so I did not want to eat everything in sight. I'm sure I consumed enough calories the previous three days that my body could survive on that for a few more days.

I feel like the weather is--dark and dreary. Damned Dot Disorder . Normally I would turn to chocolate to help soothe what I'm going through, but since there is not any chocolate to be found and I feel much to drained to go get any. I feel like I'm going to be having an emotional storm coming on pretty soon. I'm not sure if it's related to my dot disorder or changing my eating habits, because I've been getting up and walking so blasted early. All I know is that I'm having a hard time spending time with me right now. I want to go sleep in the red tent tonight. I want to be alone and not have anyone touch me or need anything from me. I think I may just watch a really sad movie tonight so I can just cry and get it over with. I don't like these type of storms. The best thing about them is there always seems to be a rainbow at the end. I hope the rainbow comes soon.

I think the most frustrating thing about these feelings is I have no idea what it's about--I just feel an overwhelming wash of sadness. And anger. I think I might be lacking in some B vitamins, I'm going to go take some right now so the storm might just blow over quickly.

(I have not turned to food yet so there is a bit of silver lining) : )

I feel

Gross

The Weekend

My weekend was very full. Started it out by staying up until 1:30 chatting with Shell (she got here around 10:20 pm) Woke up at 5:30 and headed out for a very beautiful walk (all my my self) Walked for about 1:45 (not sure on the miles because I don't trust the ped--claims I walked 7.5 miles???) After some breakfast, a quick trip to the farmers market, and packing up, we headed to the family reunion.

We had a good time--drank a lot of water & for some reason, I was not able to stick to my plan of eating (that family of mine can be a bad influence) I'm not saying that I went hog wild, I just didn't do as well as I had hoped. Oh, well little I can do to change it now--it happened and it's time to move on---

Enter Sunday--did very well with food (no workout) at least I did well until I went to my work thing and my brains appeared to fall out of my head--cookies & taco dip & pizza--I'm frustrated with myself because I was going to bring a salad to eat, but I was lazy and didn't. Not all is lost, tomorrow is a brand new day--I've got a few days to buckle down and turn it all around before Wednesday Weigh In.

On a positive note--I bought some very big water jugs to take along with us to the Family Reunion (3 liters--101.something oz) I am going to re-fill those every night and it is my goal to finish the whole thing everyday. I have been just filling up my 32 oz mug all day long, but then I would forget how many I have drank--this way I can see and I hope it will help motivate me to drink up. What are your tricks for getting enough water in your day?

What the hill?

This morning I got myself out of bed to get back into my early morning walking routine. I had not done it the past couple of morning due to one excuse or the other (at least I managed to work out in some way, shape, or form) Wednesday I claimed I did not want to get up and go walking on a fasting tummy and Thursday my legs hurt to bad???

I really missed my early morning walks. I love the alone time--that is how I recharge. I often forget that I need to go inward to balance myself. Sometimes I get so busy being "on" that I forget how much of an introvert I really am. My time in the morning allows me to take care of myself--give myself what I really need to function--I am better able to preform for everyone else when I take the time, no make the time, for me. It is so much better than that nap time "treat" I would give myself before to recharge (what a crock of pooh that kind of thinking is). Why did it take me so long to put that puzzle together?

Tomorrow I will be partaking in a family reunion--and like a lot of families--when we get together we like to eat together. I'm allowing myself a worry free day (a day of not keeping track) not think about the food as much as focusing on spending time with some very important people in my life. This does not mean I am going to go hog wild (I'm sure I will be somewhat calculating in my head and when I get home I will try to remember every little thing that went past my lips and writing it down in my food journal) I'm just going to be mindful of what I'm eating without going overboard (so that means I will not be eating 3 or 4 of Jodi's Special K Bars) but if she brings them, I will eat one. I think think the key for me in "food situations" is to remember to only take the things I only can get at special times. What I mean by that is I'm not going to eat potato salad tomorrow because that is something I can get rather often during this picnic season--but I don't always get to enjoy my Auntie Cheri's famous butterhorns, so I will have one, and enjoy the hell out of it. I'm going to make a Spinach & Strawberry Salad (with a Raspberry & Rhubarb Vinaigrette I bought at the farmers market--yum) to take along--that way I know there is a least one thing I can eat without worry (I'm sure someone will bring fruit salad and veg) I will also be taking along my trusty water bottle so I can make sure I get tons of the good stuff in as well. I think I am pretty much armed for a great day--and with all the laughs we love to share, I'm sure to get in a good ab work, too : o )

My Cousin Shelley (out of all the cousin Shelley's I have, she is my favorite cousin Shelley)is coming to stay with us tonight--I can't wait to see her and spend some extra time with her--get a head start on the abs--I wonder if she will be up for a morning walk with me--if nothing else, I'm going to take her to see our farmers market--she took me to the one in Madison last time I went to visit. (Open Air Art show tomorrow at Phoenix Park!!!)

I almost forgot to tie in the blog title. What the hill? This morning I decided to take a yet another new route--I went up a couple of really big hills (Folsom & Moulholt). As much as I feared them at the base of both of them, I really don't remember much more about them. I remember a time when I would have cheered and jumped up and down after "scaling" them--but now it just seems natural--and they don't appear to be the great beasts I once thought them to be, the hills have just become one more step to get me closer to one more mile. Another mile further on my journey.

First Weigh In

I've been trying all day to post this blog, but for some reason, blogger.com was having issues.

The results for my first week are: I lost 3.8 pounds. I'm very pleased with my loss.

What I'm really proud of is that I have stuck with it. I know that I am only a week in, but so many times I start out saying today is the day and then around 10:30 I eat a loaf of bread worth of toast. I have had such an amazingly rich week. It feels like I have been doing this for much long than a week (both good and bad) but the most important thing is I AM DOING IT.

This morning I did not go for my morning walk (I'm starting to miss those, but I have been loving the extra sleep) I had some lab work done for my up coming doctor appointment and I was required to fast. I did not think it would be very wise to work out on an empty tummy. I did however somehow get Adam to walk to the farmers market with me and all the kids (which means I was pushing my big quadzilla--I think that has to really up my workout factor) The walk was only a bit over 3 miles, but pushing the stroller with 3 children in it makes it feel more like 8 miles.

I finally got around to trying out the wii Active tonight--so far I enjoyed it. There are some things about the "game" that I think I just need to get use to, but the workout itself made me sweat.

Hope you are being part of the change that you want to see.

Today's Workout

After yesterdays 8 miles, I decided to do something different this morning. I slept in a bit and hit the gym (aka my living room) and fired up a dvd that I had gotten from netflix (side note--what a great place to review workout videos)

I popped the DVD in and made my selection and I tell you...after the first 5 minutes I felt the sweat starting to form--but the end of the actual workout (which was only 20 minutes) I was dripping. There was a nice little cool down and I must say, I felt as worked out as I did after a nearly two hour walk.

So what is this sweat inducing program I did this morning. No, not Richard Simmons Sweating to the oldies. It was Biggest Loser Work Out Boot Camp. I have to say. I really enjoyed it a lot. You can customize the workout and it was really nice. Bob did a really nice job with this one. I give it 10 stars. I would do it again (that is if I can feel my body tomorrow) but I don't think I would give up my calm and peaceful walking--my day felt a little different without that 5 am start. Tomorrow is my weigh-in day. I'm excited to see what it is going to tell me.

Let me know what you did today--

Today

Well today was a good day. Yesterday I decided to take the day off and just relax a bit, however I felt guilty all day because of it. And felt even worse because we had take-out for lunch. Oh, well not every day can be a perfect day--

I ended up going for two walks today--one at 5 am and one at 5 pm--both about the same duration, however; the second one I ended up going further (this morning was a hilly walk). I'll let you know in the morning if walking over 8 miles in one day is a good thing.

Tomorrow night I will be walking with my friend Kati--she's going to show me part of the half marathon route. I'm so excited and can't wait. Not sure if I will make it double the walk tomorrow. I have really grown to enjoy my 5 am walks. It's so quiet and it gives me a chance to be alone and recharge and get what I need to start my day. We'll see what tomorrow brings.

On Wednesday I will have my first official weigh-in to see how my efforts are paying off. So Last Chance Workout day--teehee. We'll see, we'll see.

Beautiful

While I was on my walk this morning, I could not believe the amount of beauty that was all around me. The sun was rising, the river was perfectly flowing, the birds (yes I said birds) were singing their beautiful song, even the sound of the cars passing by had a beauty to them. I started thinking about beauty and how beautiful I felt at that moment. I was up and moving and doing something so good for myself. I was there making the most of what I have. I realized there is so much to beauty--and I was reminded of a piece I wrote last year and I wanted to share it with you all. You are all beautiful. We are all beautiful in every aspect of the word.





You called me beautiful.

Hearing that word automatically causes the muscles in my neck to tighten and my head has no choice but to turn away in disbelief. As I look down in an awkward manner, a heat that seems to burn with the surprising intensity of smoldering embers, slowly creeps up my neck, then tints my cheeks a subtle shade of crimson. My eyes are uncertain of where to look and a sheepish grin becomes visible. Gone is the smile you say you love so much.

In that one word I hear many things . . .

I hear an uncomfortable silence. I am not accustomed to hearing that word used to describe me. I have yet to remember my lessons of grace that had been so prevalent in past life. Lessons that taught me to smile charmingly, with a coy tilt of my head and say "thank you" with a ever-so-slight playful note of confidence in my reply. I have long forgotten the coaching that allowed me to presume that the words that fell from your tongue were truth.

I hear the echoing of nothingness bouncing off the walls of my childhood. Longing to hear my parents say the words that you so easily recognize in me. I don't remember hearing the very people who gave me the gift of life, uttering, "You're beautiful", not even a single "you're pretty." My scrawny frame, freckled-face, the fact that I was awkward and weird, and wore spectacles since age four, must not have conquered up images of beauty to them. Everyday a similar face looks up at me and says, "I love you mum", and without even a moment of hesitation I tell that beautiful face, that she is indeed beautiful and that I love her greatly. Maybe I see a beauty that my own parents never could see or maybe I was born during a time or into a home that did not understand the importance of fostering a child's self-esteem. I know, without a doubt, that my children have know that I feel they are beautiful in every aspect of the word. And I am not afraid to speak those words to them.

I hear the laughter of children who made me fall for their pranks "Hey, you're pretty…Pretty ugly that is." The word ugly is one I have no trouble believe about myself—for I know the truth about the events that have happened in my life, the good, the bad, and most obviously, the ugly. The events as seen through my eyes and held in my personal memory files. Moments that I can flip to when ever I need them and replay them just as I saw them take place. The way I saw them through my own thick, heavy glasses. How is it that silly childhood jokes have distorted my ability to see certainty as an adult?

I hear the voice of the one I thought was so true. The voice I claim to be the first to inform me that I was indeed beautiful. What an ugly time of my life that turned out to be. The sound of his voice still hurts me. Bitch, whore, tramp, slut, ugly girl, dirty, bad, bad, bad. No matter how hard I scrub, I cannot wash those words out of my mind. It was then that my beauty was extinguished, stamped out, cut, maimed, and changed. My beauty felt the cold metal of a gun barrel pressed against its back, the sharpness of a blade held to its throat, then feeling as though it had been shoved from the top of a towering pine, hitting every branch along the way, finally land with an reverberating thud on the cold, hard ground. Leaving me sticky with pitch, battered, and bruised from that day forward. Haunting me, till death do I part. Rotting.

Hearing the word sometimes paints a picture of an era when my beauty caused heads to turn in my direction and jaws to drop in awe. This was the moment in time when I could have my pick of any man. Tall, dark, handsome, rugged, chiseled men. Wealthy, smart, gentle, caring, passionate men. Choosing carefully or hast-fully, whichever the occasion called for. This beauty was only on the surface. This type of beauty was very dangerous. Hurting whomever, however, whenever. Because my wounds were still being licked clean from my earlier fall, at the end of this period, I ended up hurt myself most of all. This beauty faded as quickly as summer suddenly slips into autumn. As a dainty flower fades in beauty, I too have lost this type of gloriousness with each passing year.

I hear the empty promises of short-term lovers. The sounds of their voices whispering softly into my ears "You are the most beautiful girl I have ever seen," as they greedily kiss my beautiful neck, taking my beautiful, delicate hands into theirs, with promise, an imaginary band drawn over my left ring finger. They would tell me everything I wanted to hear, just to fulfill their momentary desires. Images of fairytales with beautiful princesses rescued by knights on white stallions played through my mind. I felt myself riding off into the sunset holding tightly to my prince. Together forever. Until one day the prince found a maiden so fair, who happened to possess more beauty than I. I was left in the middle of a desolate land all alone, with tears and dirt smudging my beautiful face.

The word does bring back the memory of finally finding the man who makes my heart beat louder, the one who makes everything clearer, and who brings out more of my true beauty. Nothing is more beautiful than a bride. With great love comes great comfort and great comformability. Patterns begin to form and develop. Lovers become partners in life. New roles are taken on. Some of the romance is swept under the rug so day-to-day life can take center stage. After years of togetherness that love is a knowing. Words that were once spoken so readily become words that are assumed. The idea of my beauty has become understood, the word becomes one my groom doesn't feel he needs to speak as often as I need to hear it.

I hear the complaints of the scale as I plop my ample body up onto it. It wails, as do I, as it measures my once firm body. It gives out a little laughter as the results display on the little digital screen, taunting me with memories of lighter times. In a mere blink, I am brought back to the days when the scale ruled my life. I stripped down every bit of my clothing, stepped on it every time I came remotely close to it, judging my worth against the numbers on its face. Congratulating myself for a job well done if the numbers were in my favor or punishing myself when the digits were even a fraction too high. I walked endless miles, preformed countless reps, and strained my body all in the name of beauty only to watch it decline with each child I pushed into the world and with each year I celebrate.

I am, to some extent, aware that these are just the sounds in my head, the filters I have made, and the inner critics that judge the person reflecting back at me. The voices tend to dwell on the past and all its ugliness. They are unable or even unwilling to see the many different layers of beauty that are so very present. However, the voices, critics, and filters are sometimes louder than my inner sage and seem to delight in stacking on more and more disbelief upon the wall that they spent so many years building. They chant loudly, announcing all my flaws for the entire world to hear and surely the public believes everything they proclaim.

From time to time, I do hear the sound deep from within my soul. The knowing voice. The wise-ness that is deeper than the creases in my forehead, and wisdom that has grown fuller than my bosom. This voice pushes up through all the layers of hurt to remind me that beauty is more than skin deep. Beauty is there in the smile on my face and the story in my eyes. Beauty is ever changing, just like the seasons. Reminding me I should dance during all of the seasons of my life. My beauty is a story of true beauty, the beauty of my heart, of hope, of endurance. There is beauty in my action, my view of the world, in my spirit, and the amazing beauty of my talents.

When all of the corrupt voices are at bay, I am able to clearly hear my lover, my soul mate, my best friend, and my partner in life, the one to whom I will always and forever answer "I do". He whispers sweetly,"You are beautiful,” . I hear truth in his words. He draws me into him, embracing me with his entire being, inhaling my intoxicating scent. Gently kneading fingers follow the muscles of my elegant back. His hands trace the graceful flow of my hips. I feel truth in his touch. The sensation of floating over takes me, I grow dizzy with anticipation, he breaths love deep inside of me, and my spirit emerges, dancing. I am a goddess. My alabaster skin glistens in the moonlight. Wisps of soft auburn curls trickle over my shoulders and cascades down my back, clinging to my moist skin. Eyes closed down in ecstasy, lips part. As I arch towards heaven, exposing my breast, my feminine stomach, the secret realm of my desires, I feel the gods and the stars smiling all around me. It is in that moment that I recognize what you are saying. I am beautiful.

Major Accomplishment

I just have to blog this out really quick. Tonight I did something major. Even more major than pulling my big old rumper out of bed for two mornings in a row. I went with my friend to pick up food for her family and my new favorite eating spot. We had to wait for the food and I so very much wanted to order one of there famous Thai Iced Teas (not 100% sure, but thinking the point value on one of those is high). We waited, and I contemplated--thinking about the fact that I have extra points, how good it would taste, I thought about the fact that I would not have to share with my children (Sarah, I would have let you have a taste), I also thought about how thirsty I was and how that nice sweet creamy yummy tea would taste on such a lovely night. But you know what--I didn't. I'm so tickled with myself right now (but the tea would have been so worth it) I am going to find out somehow how many points it is worth and have a day where I treat myself--but I will make sure it happens when I plan it in, not just a just because it's there moment. What a great feeling!!! Now I'm going to go drink some water to quench this thirst of mine. Good Morrow.

Day Number 2

Day Number 1 Wrap Up:

As far as the first day of my "Diet" goes, it went great!!! I even beat the fast food demons that were whispering in my ear while I was driving to work!!! Although I did end up buying a sandwich from the store and I don't know the exact nutritional information on it, I think I managed to stay within my guidelines. I thought I would end up crashing at some point on account that I was up so early, but I plugged through and I ended up creating some cute little cards for a class. I went to bed around 10:30.


Day Number 2.

This morning I got out of bed and headed out the door before 5am. Walk for an hour and 15--and so far today, the eating has been good. I have been measuring and checking portion sizes and kind of actually having fun with my "diet". I do not like to use that word, because I know that watching what I eat is something that I will always have to do--that's just the way my body is, I was not blessed with the skinny genes of my father's side of the family. I am truly amazed at how much a cup of blueberries really is. This picture is part of my lunchtime snack--1 cup of blueberries & 1 cup of strawberries. I had some cottage cheese to go with that and drizzled the whole thing with some wonderful balsamic vinegar--so very yummy, and way better than those frozen dinners (and way more food too I think). Don't you just want to have that for a snack?

Getting Started (Again)

I was asked a question this morning that threw me for a loop--"So what happened?" To be honest, I really didn't understand what was being asked of me. "You know what happened that made you decide to do this?" “Why is this time different?” “What lit the fire under your bum to get you out of bed so blasted early to go for a walk?” (Okay so these questions are not verbatim) My reply was I really don't know--I'm not really sure what it happened that made me decide that 6/3/09 would be the day that I made myself a priority. I’m still trying to figure that one out.

So here I am again. Starting over on this journey to a healthier me. In my defense, I have been working on this a bit this year--but now the time has come for me to really be serious about wanting to be the healthful, vibrant person I know I am. No more hiding behind, well, my behind, it’s time for the world to see the inner me (not that girl that I catch following me around and standing in front of me when I look in the mirror every time I try to catch a glimpse of myself) It’s time for this Star to Shine.

My plan is to blog out my thoughts, my progress, my feelings about exercise and food, my, my whatever else comes along and lands on here. Mostly I just want to have some form of checks and balance so I can stay true to my journey. I know that it is going to be a long journey. I do not want to go this alone; I cannot do this alone. I encourage anyone who wants to join me to come along, it’s going to be a fun ride (some one remind me that when I’m walking the last bit of a walk) I need all kinds of support and encouragement—on good days and on bad ones too—I will in return offer the same onto you.

I’ve got my gear all packed and I’m ready to head out on a trail that’s waiting for me. (I always visualize myself heading out on a backpacking trip when starting a journey like this, just something I do) So here we go…