Check that off the bucket list

After 12-ish weeks of training, I can cross a half-marathon off my bucket list. Will I do it again? YES!!! I loved it. The weather was beautiful. The course was amazing. And the way I felt...hmmmm. I was just happy. There was never a point that I felt like throwing in the towel. If they would have told me that I had to walk another 2 miles to the actual finish line, I would have said "Okay" and then just kept walking. I guess that's a good thing. I did not cry when I crossed the finish line, nor did I have any real overwhelming feelings at all during the 3:45:10 I was out there. I guess I had the voices of all my peeps with me to get me through and to help me understand that it was all good. It was all good. Very good.

It's offical

I went to the Y tonight to pick up my race packet (Go 582) My stomach was doing flip flops all the way through the maze of hall ways (I hope when they build the new Y they make it less mazy) I stood in line to get my packet for what felt like forever--my nerves where just frazzled, I kept thinking "what did I get myself into?" and I was very self conscious among all the athletic type people (I'm think about getting a tattoo after the race proclaiming that I am a walker)

I know that people are probable not thinking what my head thinks their thinking ("what is she doing here?"-that's the thought I think they think) I know I need to view myself as the athlete that I really am, but I just can't help thinking that I'm only walking this, I'm not running, I'm not decked out in fancy clothing--
I'm wearing a t-shirt and sweats how can I be an athlete (maybe it's the sports
bra(s) qualify me in the athletic status)?

As you can see, I have doubts and fears and cold feet (har har) I need to stop this stinkin' thinkin' get out of my own head and just let it be what it is.

So when it was finally my turn to get my packet the lady tells me that I'll have to come back tomorrow to get my race t-shirt--joy, I get to have those feeling all over again. Maybe after a good nights sleep, I'll be able to view things differently. Sunday morning, I'll be sure to put on some warm socks to keep my feet from getting cold.

The Dusty Goddess

I've been trying hard to work on my resolution this year--but for some reason, things keep getting thrown in my path. I know that if I had already achieved perfect Goddessdomness (its my blog, I can make up words, right?) I would have all the answers and know the tricks of how to jump over the potholes, branches, rocks, roots, & general debris that keeps tripping me up. But in no way am I close to that knowledge. So I keep stumbling and falling down. But I keep trying. I keep trying.

I read this little jewel of wisdom today and I thought it was just so perfectly matched to how I should be feeling right now.

We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.

Sometimes I get caught up in my own stuff and think that nobody could be as bad off as I am right now--sadly someone always dealing with something worse than I am. It's not my goal to try to out do the pain and stuggles of others. I want to learn empathy, to be able to hear what they are saying, but not feel the pressure to take on their burdens as well as mine. Selfishly, I can only carry what my own backpack right now.

At this point in my journey, I would like to take some of the stuff I've been caring out of my pack and leave it along the trail and let it decay and turn into rich soil.-- If I am unable to leave things behind, I would at least like to make friends with these obstacles. If I could better understand these road blocks or even find a way to make my life work because of or in spite of the twists and turns, maybe the load would not seem so hard. I am going to look at things from all angles but hopefully I will find the sunniest way of dealing with some unsunny things.

So this goddess-in-training is going to pick herself up and dust herself off and find a new way to travel or maybe just learn to let it be what it is and enjoy the view as best as I can.

Calling All Cheerleaders

I tell ya folks--I'm 9 or 10 weeks into my traning and I am draggin'. My body hurts. I'm not having any fun anymore. I'm so looking forward to just being done with this whole thing. I've missed workout days just because I'm just not feeling it. I need something to spark my enthusiasum--kick start my pride, something that makes me remeber why I am doing the event (why am I doing it again?) I need some cheerleaders. Anyone who wants to help motivate me, please, please, do so--in any way that you want.

I have to remember the wise words of my 8 year old "It doesn't matter if you come in last, what matters is that you are doing it". I just need to get out of my head. I need to stop feeling defeated when I don't accomplish something one day, but look back at all that I have done--I've WALKED over 100 miles so far this year that is amazing.

I want to learn something new

I said I was going to try to blog more and on a more regular time frame. Sometimes I lie.

But truely, I do want to get better at it and I also want to learn more about ayurveda.

. . . and I call myself a blogger

okay, so really, I don't call myself a blogger--I would like to, actually I would love to, but I think that may just require me to actually blog and more than just this infrequent stuff.

That's how I roll. With everything. At first I Rhino my way into everything--head down and full speed ahead. And things go good for a while and then well I get bored (or in the case of blogging, I feel like I get boring)I wish that I could find that balance that allows me to do the things I love and the things I don't enjoy so much--why do the have-to's have to get done? They always get in the way of the want-to's.

So I guess I just have to do it. Blog more. It really does help me stay more honest and committed when I think that someone might read what it is that I'm doing and somehow I may let them down if my little fingers don't click away at the keys and provide some sort of something for someone.

Okay--I'll do it, but I'm going to start tomorrow.

I'm just sitting here fooling myself

Sometimes I'm smart--really smart. Other times, well, other times is what I'd like to talk about right now.

I know how to lose weight--probable know almost everything about it. Weight lose tips could spill off my tongue faster than the sum of 167 + 290. The problem is that I just don't know how to apply them. Drink 1/2 your weight in water in oz. I know that I should drink lots of water, however lately, I just can't seem to get it in. Eat Vegetables--I love them even the weird ones, but for some reason, they don't seem to end up on my plate. I could go on and on and on and...well you get the picture. I need to wake up and smell the tap water and get myself healthy.

I often talk about how I don't want to give up on foods--that I still want to be able to enjoy my Auntie's cake without feeling guilty of the number of points/calories/fat grams that are in it. The problem is that I forget that eating cake from time to time is okay, it's the sweets on a more daily schedule that get a girl in trouble.

I've been working out very regularly--I have for the last 4 weeks been following a training program to gear me up for the up coming 1/2 marathon. In my mind, I'm thinking I'm working out like mad right now so that means I can eat what ever I want. This weekend I gain over 5 pounds? That can not all be muscle! I know that weight can fluctuate from day to day, but really 5 pounds?

There are also times when I just don't eat--not feeling hungry, which is also not good for my body--I tell ya, there is a battle going on inside of me, part of me is trying to build muscle and become lean while another part is trying to hold onto everything because it thinks I'm going to starve to death while yet another part is tripping landmines of sabotage. I'm hoping the stronger army wins.

So instead of just sitting here fooling myself, I'm going to start a food journal again. For the time being, I'm only going to write what I eat and not look at the count it may have--I just want to get an idea of what is or is not going into my mouth. It's time for peace in my land.